plenty of negative behavior could be avoided if people simply took the time to learn more about sex


People act out.  People often behave badly or in a self-defeating manner especially as a means of venting painful emotions*.

Who hasn’t spoken harshly to a loved one for no reason other than their own “bad mood” or binged on some delicious treat in an attempt to feel better?

So why would our sex lives be any different?  I reason that there is no difference and that plenty of negative behavior could be avoided if people simply took the time to learn more about sex.

Consider the following top four “stupid” decisions people could avoid by being better lovers:

Number 1.  The biggie, the superstar in stupid decisions, is the choice to have an affair.  Whether married or not, any relationship involving a pact of fidelity can be put in serious jeopardy if someone strays.  Yet despite the potential for heartache and damage to personal integrity, cheating is a common problem.

Surveys of cheaters reveal the number one reason people cite for straying is dissatisfaction – both sexually and/or emotionally.  Sex becoming routine, a lack of interest, or shifting values that place many life activities ahead of sex in relative importance are all symptoms of a lack of imagination and knowledge.  Great sex that is not dependent upon desire as a mystical notion is available to anyone capable of a little effort in learning.

Sexy, confident lovers are rarely dissatisfied with sex.


Number 2.  The second stupid decision many people could avoid by being better lovers is the choice to get divorced.  Check the research and you will find that when surveys ask divorcees why they chose to get divorced, prominent in all of the results were sexual dissatisfaction and infidelity, two problems that are entirely avoidable.  By learning how to be a better lover, and hence a more satisfied lover who is less likely to look outside of the relationship for satisfaction, you can avoid a pattern of growing resentment and blame.

          Sexy, confident lovers know that they are responsible for their own satisfaction.


Number 3.  Legions of sexually unfulfilled porn addicts could avoid the stupid decision to find sexual satisfaction from digital media, when a little knowledge and confidence could lead them to real, fulfilling human interaction.  Pornography has its place, but for all but the most experienced and knowledgeable lovers, porn is actually damaging the learning process by being an inadequate role model of appropriate and desirable behavior.

      Sexy, confident lovers know that pornography is no replacement for human interaction.


Number 4.  The forth unfortunate decision many people could avoid by learning how to be better lovers is a bit more subtle than the previous three, yet it may be the largest category of all.  This is the decision that turns common sexual concerns and issues into medical problems.  The sex therapy industry uses proven marketing methods that create and leverage insecurities in otherwise normal, healthy individuals to sell their goods and services.  Companies that sell drugs for erectile dysfunction offer the most potent example of this phenomenon, suggesting that as many as 40% to 50% of all men over 40 have “some degree” of erectile dysfunction, and that it’s perfectly fine for younger men to pop a little blue pill to “optimize” performance.  Far from finished, big pharma is on the hunt for an equivalent magic pill for women.  While there are times when meds or therapy are indicated, the vast majority of common sexual issues and concerns can be remedied through the knowledge and experience that comes with being a better lover.

Sexy, confident lovers have fewer sexual problems and are better equipped to resolve concerns should they arise.


Arguably, the only one who can determine if a decision is truly stupid is the person who made the decision in the first place.  It’s the outcome that is the true test.  So if you find yourself frustrated or disappointed by the sex you’re (not?) having, avoid the impulse to “act out” when the answer to your problems is knowledge.

*Merriam-Webster Dictionary

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