In my last posting, Average Man, Meet Average Sex, I offered my perspective on how, in the absence of strong lessons to the contrary, culture becomes role model and teacher in shaping the sexuality of Average Man, and that the outcome of this learning strategy is not very effective. All in an attempt to encourage Average Man to actively engage in learning more about sex. It’s not an uncommon perspective, though admittedly, not a very popular topic of discussion.
Convincing men that the sex they are likely having is “average”, and that average is a very low standard is an uphill battle. Convincing them that there is so much more to sex than what they are likely experiencing is even harder.
So rather than continuing to demonstrate the benefits of learning about sex by harping on current poor results – like orgasm deficits, and rates of infidelity and divorce (all indicators of a lack of knowledge), – I am going to try another approach. I’m going to put down the proverbial stick for a moment, and offer the carrot instead, with this attempt to describe just how good taking responsibility for your sexuality can be, in this follow-up:
Average Man, Meet Exceptional Sex
Understanding my version of what constitutes exceptional sex starts with the accepted notion that when it comes to learning, sometimes we know what we don’t know, while at other times we don’t know, what we don’t know.
The difference between “average sex” and “exceptional sex” is very much like this principle. On the one hand, there are attributes of exceptional sex Average Man has experienced or could imagine, while at the same time, there may be attributes to exceptional sex that he doesn’t even know exist.
This principle presents itself at each phase of manhood in the form of reality – what Average Man is currently enjoying sexually – as compared to fantasy – what he would like to be doing sexually. Whereas with exceptional sex, the gap between reality and fantasy is very narrow to non-existent.
The point I’m trying to make is that exceptional sex is entirely contextual, dependent upon where you are, what you’re doing and how it could be better. Put even more plainly, exceptional sex for the Young Buck just getting started, would be entirely different from exceptional sex for a mature, Long-Term Lover.
At the same time, the road to exceptional sex is not the same for any two people, there is no step-by-step formula. So rather than some straight line to a destination, think of exceptional sex more like a pot of home-made soup and how it gets more flavorful, aromatic and nutritious with each added ingredient and spice.
So what awaits you at the end of this journey, what pleasure or benefits would you expect if you were to go from average to exceptional? As I’ve said, there is no one answer – but there are various characteristics to exceptional sex that you would likely find, should you decide to put in the effort to get there.
Here is my list of what Average Man will find when he knows his sex is exceptional:
Sexual Partners – there are no skills, magic moves or perfect lines that could guarantee the ability to have sex with anyone of your choosing. But to be exceptional at sex is to have no difficulty attracting and retaining lovers.
No Limitations – exceptional sex is filled with possibilities because it has no shame, guilt or embarrassment whatsoever.
Types Of Play – while everyone has their favorite types of sex they enjoy, many also have secret fantasies or behaviors. With exceptional sex there are no limitations, and you are free to express and explore your sexuality as a full measure of your desires and interests.
Pleasing Your Partner – exceptional sex is more about the energy of sex than it is about the friction, and consequently, to be exceptional is to be absolutely sure that your partner is fully engaged mentally, is enjoying herself physically, and is ultimately satisfied.
Responsibility For Your Own Sexuality – with exceptional sex comes the realization that we are responsible for every aspect of our own sexuality – from deciding how sexy and desirable we are, to deciding the amount of pleasure we receive when having sex.
Exceptional sex goes further by encouraging your partner to do the same, and providing her with the opportunity to do so.
No Fixed Roles – exceptional sex flows seamlessly along the entire spectrum of sexual energy – from the most masculine to the most feminine – without respect to gender.
Communication – moving from average to exceptional sex is directly related to the ability to honestly communicate about your wants, needs, desires, history: The better the communication, the more exceptional the sex.
Desire – exceptional sex is not dependent upon desire as some mysterious force that’s either there or somehow missing – because with exceptional sex, desire comes from the knowledge that great pleasure is always available, and that you have the ability to pursue it at any time of your choosing.
Outcome – exceptional sex is not defined by content or tied to an outcome – it’s not about orgasms or necessarily include vaginal intercourse – it’s about sharing sexual pleasure when, how and for how long we want.
The list could go on, but even here you can begin to see patterns emerge, all pointing to the same basic principles. Exceptional sex is uninhibited and unlimited; it bridges any gap between reality and fantasy. And it happens in degrees, by learning about and experiencing all there is to offer, in the wonderful world of sex!