FORGET VAGINA, LET’S TALK VULVA

Seriously guys, if you want to be better lovers, it’s time to forget about vaginas for awhile.  Thinking with such a narrow focus is so, well, limiting!  It is time to broaden your perspective and think vulva instead.

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Now, I’m not here to give anatomy classes but suffice it to say that a vulva is all of ‘it’ while the vagina is just a part.  And if all you ever think about, all you ever need is a vagina, then your lover will rarely be as satisfied as you are with the sexual encounters you’re sharing.

So it’s time to slow down and pay attention to the details and pay homage to the vulva and all of its parts – your favorite and hers – though the two may not be the same.  In fact, if you and partner are like the vast majority of lovers, your favorite spots will not be the same.

Not convinced yet?  Then consider this evidence:  Back in the day, Shere Hite wrote a famous book about female sexuality that epitomizes the point I’m making.  She surveyed thousands of woman, making public for the first time how women liked to be touched and how they touched themselves.  Her study further revealed the relative unimportance of the vagina for women achieving orgasm through intercourse or masturbation when compared to the vulva’s most rewarding spot, the clitoris.

So the connection is clear, and thinking vulva over vagina is the only conclusion.  But if you were to take this change in focus and apply all of its potential lessons, you would find an important concept that goes beyond the physical.  Thinking vulva over vagina is meant to stir the imagination and encourage exploration and discovery.  Better still, use this posting as a discussion point with your lover so that you will know beyond a doubt, all of her favorite spots.

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Learning where and how your lover likes to be touched is a great place to start.  But to get the full, Get Real With Sex value in this posting, indulge me for a moment and imagine yourself in this scenario:

You have read, understood and thoroughly discussed this posting with your lover, and decided it would be super sexy to explore her vulva to learn her favorite spots.  You take this playful energy and start kissing, slowly undressing each other.  You move into bed together, lovingly kissing and touching each other until it’s time to take your fingers on their prescribed mission.  As you imagine yourself at that moment, can you also imagine the waves of pleasure pulsing through your body?  Can you feel it in hers?  That, my friends,  is the ‘energy’ of sex;  touching, kissing and exploring is the ‘friction’.  Perhaps imagining this scenario is stirring similar feelings, again, due to the energy of sex. The part we really want.

Back to our scenario, but with two different outcomes:

Sex As Friction – You take some time exploring her vulva, gently touching her until you fully understand all of her most sensitive and pleasurable areas.  Rubbing gets more intense and after a few minutes you’re both so turned on that you’re ready for and have intercourse until you have a mind-blowing orgasm.  Total elapsed time, I’ll be generous and estimate 20 minutes from the first kiss.  Pleasure Scale Index (I just made this index up) for you, a 10!  Good job, except that the Pleasure Scale Index for her would be more like a 6.  But congratulations, because this represents a 50% increase from the ‘vagina only’ score of 4.

Sex As Energy – You take some time exploring her vulva, gently touching her until you fully understand all of her most sensitive and pleasurable areas.  Feeling the waves of pleasure pulsing through your body, you are exactly where you want to be.  You have learned that it is impossible to feel this good if she wasn’t feeling the same.  Rather than rush forward, you use the friction of your fingers to coax, tease and invite the shared sexual energy to build until she is swept away to orgasm.  Holding her until she recovers and is ready for more, the scene can go on nearly indefinitely.  When you are both finally ready to have intercourse, you know that along with all of nature’s perfectly designed friction, penetration has given you the best possible connection for sharing all of the sexual energy each of you has to offer.  The frenzied rush for even greater friction is replaced with movement that builds over time,  coaxing your sexual energy along until it carries you to orgasm.  Total elapsed time: indeterminate.  Pleasure Scale Index: 10’s all around!

Vagina only and sex as friction, or vulva and sex as energy, two ends of a spectrum of behaviors along which any point would yield sexual pleasure; the question is how much?  How much pleasure do you want to give, or to receive?  After all, the difference between a Pleasure Scale Index of 4 to 6 to 10 just takes a little knowledge.

So Forget Vagina, Let’s Talk Vulva is meant to suggest to all of us, that the excitement of discovering a new lover can be found in discovering something new with your current lover.  It’s about talking to your lover about your desires and interests, discovering all of her and your favorite spots, and building sexual energy to share and share and share.

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