Having the sex life of your dreams is nothing short of a fantasy come true. And there are few truer ways to that end than to identify, then close, any gaps that may exist between the reality and fantasy of your current sex life.


Few would disagree that fantasy plays an important role in many aspects of our sexuality. Whether we’re anticipating what it might be like to have sex with a new crush, or looking to fuel the flames in a sexless marriage – it’s fantasy that gets us going. At the same time, while fantasy can put the sexy into sex, not all fantasies are created equal.

When thinking about all of the various types of sexual fantasies we’re apt to have, we might put them into three categories:

Fantasies That Won’t Come True – this is the most casual and least obtrusive of the three types; where you might find some of the most common fantasies such as imagining having sex with a celebrity or rock star, or simply letting your imagination wander a bit at the sight of a sexy stranger. Here we find fantasy-light, harmless fantasies that have little to do with reality, and hence, are readily shared in jest or in casual comments among friends.

Fantasies That Do Come True – this is probably the most satisfying of the three categories, though it’s not without its pitfalls. After all, fantasizing about sex with a new crush or casual lover may end up being the sexiest part of the equation, when reality falls short of the excitement anticipation can bring. The same can be said of any fantasy that comes true – the reality of the experience can either match, exceed or fall short of expectations. There are no other options, and yet in every case, fantasies that do come true are always liberating if not exciting, often telling us as much about what we don’t want as what we do.

Fantasies That Remain Fantasies – the third category may be largest of the three, as it contains all of our unfulfilled sexual fantasies, the type that remain as hidden interests or secret desires, locked away in our imaginations or practiced only when alone. The great irony here is that nearly everyone has hidden sexual interests or desires, it’s a common phenomenon, and yet we have been conditioned to believe that such thoughts or actions are too shameful or embarrassing to share with our lovers. So we choose the path of least resistance, suppress our sexuality, and allow too many of our fantasies to remain unfulfilled.

Having the sex life of your dreams is nothing short of a fantasy come true. And there are few truer ways to that end than to identify, then close, any gaps that may exist between the reality and fantasy of your current sex life. This may be a difficult proposition for some to consider, particularly those who are in long-term relationships where fantasy can often feel like a dark secret that has been held too long. But it doesn’t have to be difficult; in fact, it can be very sexy and liberating! All it takes is a change in perspective and a little effort, to eliminate the two obstacles to fulfilling your sexual fantasies:


If you have any secret sexual interest or desire, then there’s a good chance that embarrassment, guilt or shame are preventing you from sharing. These fears begin to dissipate when you learn how prevalent various types of fantasies are, and that the likelihood of having fantasies in common with a current or potential lover is quite high.

A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine* goes a long way toward answering some of these fundamental questions. Researchers asked 1500 adults to rate 55 sexual fantasies as well as describe their most frequent fantasy. The results indicated that fantasies such as those involving romantic settings or unusual locations are enjoyed by more than 80% of all adults, 50 – 60% enjoy fantasies involving some element of domination and submission! And the list goes on. That’s a lot of common interest!


Knowing how or where to begin to explore your fantasies can be daunting questions, and may not be the only area where a lack of knowledge or experience is hindering you. Understanding basic anatomy, possessing adequate communication skills and knowing how to create intimacy are all examples of fundamental skills that require nurturing and learning; skills that make it possible to pursue any fantasy.

So where would your fantasies be listed – in the Won’t Come True, Have Come True, or Remain Fantasies category? And while you’re at it, consider the questions, what would the sex life of your dreams look like? Are you living that life? Overcome the two obstacles to exploring all of your sexual desires and interests and the answer will be yes!



*Here is a good survey summary




Photo Credit: 123rf Stock Photos / Branislav Ostojic




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